My Brain Has Shrunk Due to Lack of Rain and, As a Result, All You Get is Incoherent Babble

Total miles run since entry to NYC marathon/this year: 43.31/361.8
Total miles swam since entry to marathon: 1.38
Total miles biked since entry to marathon: 12.2
Exercise calories burned since entry/this year: 6,943/67,965
Weight: 198
Beers in last 24 hours: 6ish (went to baseball game)
Total raised towards goal: $375

Right now, Mother Nature is toying with my emotions. Thunder shakes the house. Lightning illuminates the back room, but few rain drops fall. This is the second day in a row that old hag has dangled rain in front of my nose like a carrot hanging from a string, only to yank it away and leave me a hungry bunny writhing in discontent on the floor.

You say you like my witticisms, my use of allegory and alliteration and imagery? You say I should be a writer, perhaps? Or maybe an editor? Oh, I'm blushing ...

Oh, wait, what's that you say? I'm a jackass. Yes, yes. This is probably more accurate. I am a jackass. A jackass am I.

Maybe you would lke a poem about jackasses? Okay, I'll write one for you, but only for you ... because, well, you know how I feel about you. Me and you, we're tight, like two peas in a pod, or something like that. Okay, so here's my poem:

Two jackasses walk into a bar
The first jackass drove in a car
The second one walked real far
Cause he didn't have a car
Cause he always hung out at the bar
And had to drive far
But he used to have a car
Isn't it weird that war
doesn't rhyme?

Pretty good poem, huh? Admit it ... c'mon, admit it. You liked it, didn't you. Yes, you did. Yes, you did. You're such a cute reader. Whose Eddie's little reader? Are you Eddie's little reader? Oh, you're so cute. Yes, you are.

Sorry, I'm going to start treating you like you're all my kids now. If you don't read all my words you're going to go into time out and you don't want - DON"T MAKE DADDY SAY IT AGAIN. DO YOU WANT ME TO STOP THIS CAR? YOU CAN GET OUT RIGHT HERE AND WALK HOME - oh that's a good reader. Oh, you're so silly. You make daddy laugh.

You say I'm losing my mind? Not possible. Lost it a long time ago.

Maybe tomorrow, if you're good, I'll give you something sane to read.